bipolar yes.

 Not kidding when I say I am screwed for my finals tomorrow. I attempt to study and my mind immediately wanders to the fact that I will be home in 2 days/I will be leaving in 2 days. I have never been more reluctant to leave something behind. Yet, at the same time I have never been more excited for something! I am going HOME. And I won't be coming back.. Yeah call me bipolar?

 Seriously, Hawaii has been the greatest experience. I miss it already..

Wowzas.

Today was my last Sunday here. I am going to miss this soso much, it's not even funny. And yes, I did tear up when they made everyone who's leaving get up on the stage in sacrament meeting and they sang to us this aloha song (not sure what it's called). They had us stand in a line afterwards and the bishop, followed by a bijillion members of the ward, put necklaces around our necks and smothered us in hugs and kisses. (sidenote: I LOVE it here when the boys from other cultures kiss you on the cheek as they go in for a hug. Definitely still catches me off guard, but it is the sweetest) And then again they sang to us in relief society "God Be with you Til We Meet Again". Hawaii has been the most amazing experience and it will always hold a place deep in my heart. 

 Love my sweet neighbor.

 Paige!

By the way, Mele Kalikimaka! (Merry Christmas) soon.

Oh and I went to my first surf comp! It was soo sick.

 Kelly Slater paddled up right next to us!

I seriously miss this already.

ps funny freaking story. LINDSAY LOHAN went to a BYUH house party last night.. and got her purse stolen? Haha I SO wish I had been social and went.

http://m.tmz.com/article_head.ftl?id=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tmz.com%2F2011%2F12%2F11%2Flindsay-lohan-hawaii-purse-stolen%2F

Cheers on every runner!

"Brothers and sisters, I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other."

Jeffrey R. Holland

April 2002

B E A utiful

It is a Friday night and wanna know what I'm up to? Just jammin out to Christmas music, eating my lunchable, with my hair on top of my head, in my room. Christmas music makes me so incredibly happy. Lunchables are childhood in a box. Yes I spoiled myself and bought a lunchable and an apple for dindin because the caf was BEYOND foul tonight. So I made Chanel come to foodland with me. BTW, don't feel bad for me that I am not out partying because it is by choice.... and maybe I'll go out later, maybe not. Haha I am so lame whatever.

Today's funnies:

-I am just getting over a cold and you know how your voice will randomly disappear post-sickness? Wellll, today I held the door open for this kid that was right behind me (mind you he was really attractive) and he said "hey thanks!" and I said "....squeak" yeah all that came out was a squeak. He smiled and went his way.

-This morning in biology, this girl came in SUPER late and tripped over the piano bench (I am a terrible person and find humor in injuries and embarrassing moments)

-When we had just got to the beach we hadn't seen anybody laying out, Chanel let out the most obnoxious screech and  "AHHHH BEAUTIFUL" and then we realized the soccer girls were like a foot away and acted so annoyed (oh the SOCCER GIRLS...they are the only people at BYUH that I've met and aren't very nice. Trust me I have made a goal to be on good terms with everyone and they have been straight up snobs. No offense ladies) But anyways, we smiled and went our way. And BUSTED UP LAUGHING afterwards.

-Coming back from the beach, Chanel and I always ride our bikes opposite ways and yell our next plans as we are departing. Soooo I said (too loud) CHANT LIBRARY TONIGHT! She didn't answer so I said CHANEL LIB TONIGHT K SEE YA! I forgot it was Friday and everyone in the courtyard was probably thinking losers. And our friend Jon was RIGHT there (who had made us pinky promise to come to his party tonight) Friday night schmiday night, I'll go to the library when I want to people. (Or I will stay home, eat my lunchable, and blog..)


-I like to sit by myself in the caf. Trust me the "meeting new people every single meal small talk" gets old FAST. So for lunch I went to sit down at my usual table and this guy I've never met was like "hey will you sit with us?" Strong accent btw so it took me a minute to understand what he said. I went and sat with him and his friend and within two minutes of talking to him I was majorly creeped out. After finding out I was transferring next semester, he asked "Will you stay if you get a boyfriend?". (He had already directed the conversation to marriage mutiple times also) I just laughed... He then would not leave me alone. He walked me back to hale 3 and would not leave. He said we are going out before I leave. Oh joy! He looks like he is 45 in case you were wondering. Oh and he is from New Guinea. (you meet people from the raddest places here. I LOVE IT)

Wellp my lunchable is gone and I have written a great deal more than I had anticipated. So I better get on fb, listen to more christmas music, and POSSIBLY make plans. Good night!

Patience

I think one lesson I have learned in college is PATIENCE. I must apologize for my last few depressing posts. Yes it was Thanksgiving, yes I was homesick. But, I have learned to be patient in tough times. I learned to be patient when I had no friends, no roommate, and was too homesick to call home. I learned to be patient when I felt alone. I learned to be patient when all I ate was granola all week because the caf food SUCKS. Patience is required, even living in paradise.


"Patience is a virtue"

Thanksgiving was an interesting one.. I woke up (emotional wreck thinking of home), packed for the weekend, then I went to watch Pirates with the ward. After that, we walked over to the stake center for our Thanksgiving dinner! To be honest, the food was much much better than I expected. (It was catered by the caf).. The weirdest part was that the majority of the people there, were people I had never even met before (people that aren't really in my ward). So basically I was with my friend that was visiting and a bijillion strangers. I had to force myself not to think of my family and the yummy foods we always have. (Couldn't help but criticize the mashed potatoes as I compared them to my Uncle Ken's).. Interesting first Thanksgiving away from home.

I'm embarrassed to admit that throughout all of that I just kept thinking "I can not wait for this day to be OVER". But my day was turned around as we left for Waikiki! 

 FOREVER GRATEFUL for this shopping cart.

 Bus, bus, and more bus.

 More waiting for bus!

 Black Friday.

 Massage train.

City

 

We got to shower with no shoes on! We slept in comfy beds. We ate real food. We laughed the entire weekend. We shopped. I am forever thankful for these girls for inviting me! BTW the girls that went were Blakely, Sam, and Roxy. (and Chanel came Saturday night). I have made such good friends here and have had soo many good times. Only 2 more weeks.... bittersweet.

Busy busy!

My schedule is anything but busy busy. But I have some advice for those away from home. I have learned the only way to stay away from intense homesickness is staying busy.. The other night after my depressing post, I could NOT stand just sitting in my lonely room doing homework, so I went for a bike ride. Whenever I start getting homesick I distract myself. Tonight, I went for a jog and listened to music. And whatever you do, don't  let yourself dwell on home for too long.... trust me.

 I absolutely love these bike rides.

I'm doing a lot better from when I posted! (Even talked to the madre today and didn't cry- step up from Sunday..) I went to my favorite beach all yesterday (Sunset), hitchhiked all over, ate yummy food, and thought less about home. 

Today after classes, was LAUNDRY DAY. Yes I said day. Laundry ends up taking forever here after you collect your stuff, make it down to the laundry room, and wait for a machine. Then you're gonna have to switch machines a couple times until one actually works. Then you wait in the room to watch your loads (people do weird stuff here like throw in a random thong..or steal one thing from your load). But it's whatever. The feeling of clean laundry in college is my all time favorite! Seriously. My room smells divine afterwards and everything just seems so clean. Even coming outta this place........

 Just had to snap a picture for memory's sake. I mean if the floors weren't so nast, or flooded 24/7, or if there weren't hairballs flying around the room, or if every other machine didn't break every 5 seconds, then this place would be alright.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I am going to watch a movie with my ward in the morning, then have the ward din at 1 PM. Then at 3, I'm heading into Waikiki for the weekend with some girls! I know if I didn't have all these distractions I could easily hide out in my room and bawl my eyes out. But I won't. I will be strong. And I will have a good weekend! And I wish all my friends and family one as well. I am truly blessed.

..........

I think I now understand why homesickness is a SICKNESS.

-I've never wanted anything more. (to be with my family)
-I feel physically ill (head throbbing, no appetite, on the verge of crying the past two days)
-My friends sending me pictures of them together is NOT HELPING (still love you guys)


Stay strong. stay strong. stay strong...


I never knew I was such a baby haha. I just keep picturing my family partying at my cousins as we always are this time of year. I have never known anything else.


But GUESS WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY. While you are freezing your booties off in Utah and AZ, I have plans to go to the beach tomorrow!!!
(yeah that's not really helping but I'll fake it til I make it yeah?)

the good and the bad..

Let's start with the bad so I can end on a happy note!

Every year my family goes up to Utah for Thanksgiving. This year everyone is together except for me.. I feel soso spoiled and ridiculous complaining as I'm in Hawaii, but trust me there is no place like home. I would be with my fam in a heartbeat. And island fever kicks in once you're here for this long.....But still about a month left and I need to stay strong, and make the most out of my time left!

 Happier note:

I had such a great weekend.

 

Me and my girl Hailey went to the PCC to see our friend Jace perform in the canoe show. Love this kid. I feel like he's my big brother! We met summer term and he's one of the coolest people I've ever met. He's such a stud and did so good!

 I can't even tell you how EXCITED I was to see that wreath...sign of christmas!!

 

Soooo we climbed a coconut tree..cause you can do that sorta stuff here. Haha they just didn't capture me doing it. Which is probably a good thing. Because I may or may not have only gotten about a foot off the ground. It was SO much harder than it looks, promise.

I went to Haleiwa with some friends to eat thai food. It was so much fun! Laughed way too hard the entire time.

 Just prancing around in the street.

Love this kid! And our toms. And our "handstands"

 

 Catherine! We maybe met through fb..and have been friends since summer term!

 Lotsa laughs.

Weekends like these make me love life.

And so the countdown begins

I have exactly one month left living here!

Where has the time gone...

I am so stoked to get home. And see the fam and the friends and feel Christmas.  I think I've mentioned this before but Hawaii sucks at holidays.. The weather doesn't change and I think that's what doesn't pump everyone up for upcoming holidays. Halloween was so so weird. I don't know if it's just being in a college setting versus home or what. But it just felt like any other day. One thing that was way cool was going to Castles the weekend before and everyone was surfing in costumes. That's Halloween in Hawaii for ya.

 Mastumoto's hmmmmhmm delish.

 Hitchiking 12 thousand times to get to Haleiwa and back.

 

Don't think I've ever laughed harder. Chanel and I got trapped in this section of jungle and it was the greatest adventure. Until I looked down and noticed I was covered in bugs head to toe...but seriously we were trying to find the path to meet up with the group we were with and we just kept getting more and more lost deeper into this never-ending collection of branches and trees and bugs. PILES AND PILES of branches.

Hawaii's amazing. 


(BTW I made a decison! I am going to Dixie next semester and I'm super stoked)

Uncle Douglas

I want to be home, I want to be home, I want to be home.

Okay so now that's outta my system.. My Uncle Douglas passed away last night and I want to be home. K it wasn't out of my system. I wasn't super close with him but he is family and an amazing man. And mostly I know it will be extremely hard on my mom and I want to be home for her. Plus I just want to be home... He's been in my prayers every night for the past couple years because of his health but I still didn't want to believe it when I woke up to a text from dad, telling me the news. I already feel him watching over me along with my other ancestors and it is a bittersweet feeling.
This is my Uncle Douglas as a BYU Football Thursday Hero. Like I said, amazing man.
 
"A happy home is but an earlier heaven."
-President Monson

ps. HOME in 36 days!

There's more to life..

FOREWARNED: If you do not wish to know some of my deepest thoughts, go elsewhere.

A friend from high school has inspired me. If she catches on, I want her to know I have always been jealous of her. She is amazing and I wish I would have been there for her when she needed a friend.

High school is a rollercoaster for most people. I think we all have challenges throughout high school and many are personal that most people aren't aware of. I know I had my fair share and most people have NO clue what was going on in my life. I literally just read this girl's blog for over an hour and cried. Why was I so selfish in high school? Why wasn't I aware that there were other people who needed a friend? Why did I even care what people thought about me? Sooo many questions with no purpose to regret.

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking."

Yes, Derek Zoolander errbody. LOVE this movie.

But wanna know who taught me that truth, that EVERY girl should learn for herself? My momma.

 My mom is beautiful inside and out and I love her SOOOOOsoso much. I hope she reads this and realizes that. Whenever I have had any negative feelings/thoughts/etc. about the way I look, I remember this one time a long time ago when my mom said something that has stayed with me. K if you know me at all, I HAVE THE WORST MEMORY. Seriously, sometimes I think to myself "my poor husband, I am going to be diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 30.." Anyways, I can not quote her exactly. But I remember I was probably in 8th or 9th grade (when most girls start caring a LOT about what they look like). The transition age from awk junior high to worrying about high school life. Yeah, I started caring somewhat and I think that worried her. One day, we were in my room talking and she told me how beautiful I am. She warned me about the dangers of becoming obsessed with your looks/weight/body/etc. I remember thinking "yeah, yeah whatever, I don't even care toooo much" But at the same time, I knew what she was telling me would be important someday. And man, oh man, being a girl it has been a saving grace to me. That lesson she taught me that day has done wonders in my life. She made me realize that I am beautiful. Every girl is beautiful in their own way. Yeah I'm being a cheez-ball so you can pounce anytime you want.. But seriously. You do NOT have to be size zero. You do NOT have to have perfect skin. I could go on. It is so easy to pick out the negative things about ourselves, it is quite ridiculous. I can picture Heavenly Father laughing at how ridiculous we can be. Or maybe crying. He has blessed us with our bodies and we need to respect them. And not fret about them. Which is why I am so thankful for a mom that taught me that I am beautiful. It SICKENS me to hear some of my friends mention the things their moms say about their weight and such. I hope I have daughters. And I hope to be able to teach them that they are beautiful just the way they are. That they deserve a man that sees that beauty.

SIDENOTE: I used to be jealous of my friend's moms that looked like barbies. WHAT WAS I THINKING. My mom is the best mom out there and everyone should be blessed with a mom as good as her..

EVERYONE has something they don't like about themselves. Why waste time disliking it? Learn to love yourself. Confession: I have freckles on my lips. Yeah kinda gross huh? Haha I used to DESPISE them. And when people noticed, I would get extremely self concsious about it and super awk. How embarrassing. And even still when people point it out, my face turns 893 shades more red probably.  But guess what? I can't make those weirdo freckles go away so all I can do is love them. Yeah, I wear SPF always to minimize them. And you can minimize the things you dislike about yourself allll you want, but they won't go away! Work with the body you have and be your best self. OPTIMISM. 

SOLID PROOF. Thank the heavens for makeup.

Know what this tangent reminded me of? The Help.

If you haven't seen this movie, DOOOOO it. I've only seen it once but oh man it was goood. Uplifting yes.

AHH I just wanna pinch those cheekies. I want a baby girl to tell her how beautiful she is. Aibileen you INSPIRE ME. 
Yes, I just wrote a novel. And I doubt anyone read it all the way through. But as I've mentioned, my blog's for me time. 

To sum things up, I have the BEST MOM EVER. I will never ever be able to repay you, momma. First off, I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. Well duh. But seriously. And everything you've taught me.. yeah never, ever will I be able to repay you. I love you so much mommy. I know I had my bratty years and aren't we both glad that is behind us? Hahaha probably you moreso than anyone. I was such a brat to you somedays. I never wanted to be. I just didn't know who I was back then! I'm still your beautiful baby girl that likes getting her back scratched and cuddling with you. Missing you every day!

Life is short, enjoy every minute. And learn to love yourself while you're at it.

Seventeen

Although Thanksgiving isn't for seventeen more days, and sadly I won't be with family and yummy food, I am overwhelmed with thanks already.


I have the greatest family and friends in the world.
I was able to experience LIVING in paradise.
I was born and raised in the church.
I am one healthy, blessed, and happy girl. 


Today was a broadcast for our stake conference. I was lame this morning and yawned through the talks that were probably way good. Elder Bednar and President Eyring spoke to us! Yeah yeah I'm lame. But tonight on the other hand, I fell in love with President Packer. He is the cutest little old man. He spoke at the CES fireside and I could have easily cried through his whole talk. It was that good.


Be HOPEFUL, be PATIENT, be PRAYERFUL.

ps. I was so social this weekend..you proud? 

Easy peasy

Since being in Hawaii, I am lucky if I even brush my hair.. Seriously. I haven't brought out my straightener or curling iron and I rarely do my hair at all. It's so humid/rainy/oceany that there's no point. My sister told me about this way to curl your hair using only a headband and I just tried it last night!

 All you do, is put the headband around your head and wrap good-sized sections of your hair around it. I did it after I had just showered and my hair was mostly dry.  Just kinda play around with it. I had no idea if I was even doing it right..and was soo nervous to take it off in the morning.

I have way too much hair and it got slightly tangled for a sec. Don't fret.

I was shocked at how good the curls turned out! I was expecting a kinki mess that I'd have to hide in a bun. Nope, I actually felt cute here for once. I'll definitely be using this method from now on. No more heat damage ladies!


Tip: Next time I might just wrap the top sections, and braid what's left of the hair underneath. With less hair wrapped, I think this may illuminate the tangled mess I had going. And the braided section will end up as big waves and blend well enough! Try it out!

Happy day

I starting pinning. What was I thinking.

I've lost 5 pounds this semester. Maybe the caf is a good diet. Or maybe it's the most unhealthy assortment of food and I just don't eat very much of it.. 

Today was the first day of my jogging class and OH DEAR. It was intense. The teacher is this hcore lady from New Zealand who is way too fit to be human. I may or may not drop this 6 a.m. class..

I don't care. I just don't even care anymore! I am so antisocial and it is such a problem. I am in college why don't the parties and such sound fun to me? I am SO antisocial. And I don't even mind it one bit..


I might be going to the Cheesecake factory for Thanksgiving instead of eating with my ward (CATERED BY THE CAF. Yeah no thanks)


I still have no clue where I will be in less than 2 months but I guess you could say, I'm just letting it happen. Sooo many opportunities have come up recently, it is just blowing my mind! There is a whole world out there.

I've been thinking a lot about the big M bomb lately. Yes, going to a BYU school I am given a lecture about marriage in almost every class (every day). Not to mention, all of church last Sunday and the fireside was on marriage. I mean it is only the most crucial decision of my life, no rush. Plus I'm not gonna meet anybody being antisocial as I am:)

 Mostly I'm excited for a best friend. No more worrying about being social.. You'll always have someone to come home to. Someone to cuddle with. And best of all, the chillens in the back. I'm OBSESSED with kids and always have been. Someday